(not actual kitty, she and her kittens run and hide when they see us)

It started in October when my husband reported back to me, after taking the garbage out, that the neighbors at the end of the building were moving out. He offered out that he wondered what the cat that they had been feeding would do when they packed up and were finally gone. A tiny, tiny little part of me prayed that they would take the cat with them, but, I would soon be faced with not only this poor cat left to fend for herself, but four very tiny 8-week-old kittens strutting behind her come mid-November. Once they moved out, my husband and I didn’t see the cat again. A part of me leaped with joy that they may have actually taken the cat with them rather than leave her behind to a horrible fate. I’m not upset that our neighbors were feeding a stray cat, but if she’d been left behind, I would be heartbroken.

It took about two weeks for me to learn her fate as we spotted her one day sitting in front of their front door. A day or two later, there she sat with four kittens. In a split second after seeing us, they were gone. I went in and started looking up shelters to see if they would be willing to take her and her kittens. Unfortunately, I was told they were full and to call back in a month. I called a not so local shelter and they too were full. I understood their explanations – people were simply abandoning or surrendering their pets due to no longer being able to afford them. Heartbroken again. 

It is expensive to keep a cat or a dog or both. In a year’s time we spend close to $2000 on our cat. There’s food, food he wastes–he’s finicky, treats, new beds, toys, vet bills, and any number of gadgets to keep his food cold, water trickling, and then he has meds he takes every week. We prioritize his care almost above our own–we’re responsible for him. I know people take on pets because they’re lonely or they want their kids to have one etc. but as we’ve witnessed their is a chain of events that occurs when you don’t spray or neuter your pet, then can’t afford it, and then throw it out. This cat may or may not have been our neighbors. They are old, having a difficult time paying their bills, and had to move out. That said, seeing this cat struggle and seeing her kittens, so innocent to the world they were brought into play with one another, simply and utterly broke me. Unable to find any place that would take them, unable to locate their owner or someone that would give them a home, I contemplated what we could do. 

We are struggling financially with me out of work. We’re behind in saving to move, so we’re looking at staying here and dealing with rising rent. During the holidays, my husband uses the last of his vacation to make up for the fact – his plant is on forced shut down for two weeks and only pay for one. This year, due to earlier in the year car issues and kitty appointments he used up his vacation. So, we will make due the first part of January with a 40 hour vs. 80 hour paycheck. And, there’s other expenses, all of which we both work hard trying to take care of every month. My husband couldn’t see a way for us to take on five cats when we were really struggling taking care of our bills/financial goals, and our own kitty. 

In the first week after seeing the mother cat and kittens we witnessed another neighbor (in her 70s) trying to feed them and another going out every other day.  At this point, I would say the kittens were still nursing, it was the mother cat that needed fed. Growing up on a farm, we had cats and even though they were given kibble, they hunted and ate mice and birds. I half-heartedly prayed that this is what this cat was doing. Maybe she was, maybe she wasn’t? She kept hidden somewhere and we weren’t seeing her when we went outside looking. I struggled with sleep, my conscience heavy, and I was unable to focus on my life without feeling absolutely paralyzed with sadness.

I had never in all my life witnessed a feral cat in person. I think this mother cat had once been someone’s cat and I think they let her outside at times. I think she came home pregnant and they threw her out for good. I don’t know which one of our neighbors she belonged to? but it’s clear she had her kittens outside somewhere and had been getting fed by a neighbor and then returning to kittens to nurse. When our neighbors moved, they abandoned her, and there she sat used to being fed by them and now, nothing. Besides the obvious, I don’t know why this bothered me to the extent that it did. Mentally, I was falling down a dark hole. I didn’t want five outside cats to be dependent on us–we too will move someday. I would be putting them in the same predicament  our neighbors did. Also, one day, probably sooner than later, more kittens will come.

I’ve read stories about feral communities multiplying. There are city ordinances against feeding ferals in this town, not to mention our landlord would not be happy. I weighed everything, every outcome, every situation, every complication, and realized that I could not morally sit inside our apartment and know that five cats were outside starving to death in the winter elements. Those that had been feeding the mother cat here and there–but not consistent had seemingly stopped. We were not seeing her anymore outside. But then one day, I saw one of her kittens sitting on the sidewalk. I saw what was in a bowl for them to eat–bread. They wouldn’t live long on bread. All it would do is make them hungrier. Soon, after enjoying such a mild November, winter would come.

I made the decision that day to begin feeding them. I took the kitten (a pure white one) sitting on the sidewalk with a bowl of bread as a direct sign from God. 

I talked with my husband and decided to take what I had saved from my YT income of $300.00, of which I had $176.00 left and bought three months worth of food. I will feed them all winter, provide them with a shelter, and come spring, whoever is still around, I will catch and get them spayed and neutered. I’m planning on listing more items for sale online and will pay for those things with the funds.

Because we have five grown and roaming cats that sit right under our bird feeder—we’ve had to stop feeding birds there. We’ve also had to get pretty creative trying to feed our two rabbits—cats can and will attack a rabbit and eat it. It wouldn’t be their fault to eat what comes naturally for them to eat, but, to avoid this, I am trying to feed them well.  The rest, I leave up to God and nature.

My mental state has improved — holding to the things that I feel morally bound to has given me peace of mind.

xoxo